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You laugh at everyone that says your baby just sleeps all the time and you think to yourself, 'Would you like to come and babysit overnight?'
If you had a £1 for every time someone mentions pelvic floor exercises you would be a multi-millionaire
Your ideal night in is being in bed by 8pm
You learn to function on very... very... very little sleep
You can’t even breathe in peace
Your headache has got a headache
It takes you days to do the laundry and put it away
Your eyebrows look like the very hungry caterpillar
Your favourite hobby is the food shop
You misplace absolutely everything... and don't get me started on hair bobbles!!
You make an adult judgement on how long you can acceptably leave it until you hoover the floor (is hand wafting things to one corner acceptable?)
You reminisce on the time you got a solid 8 hours sleep. Now you’re lucky to get that spanned over a few days
You find yourself constantly checking on your baby
You make a judgement on whether to wee yourself or go to the toilet and wake your baby up
Your forth coffee of the day has gone cold and you can’t decide whether to warm it up in the microwave or accept defeat
You live off toast, sandwiches, and every snack you can find
The thought of cutting baby finger and toe nails sends shivers down your spine
Dry hair shampoo is your best friend
You count down the hours before your other half comes back from work
It becomes perfectly acceptable to sniff another humans bum
Getting ready in the morning is like a military operation
You have to pack everything and the kitchen sink every time you leave the house
All you want is time alone but miss your children as soon as you get it
You become a pro at catching sick, snot, dribble and other bodily fluids
You end up wearing every meal your child eats
You have to start scheduling phone calls for when your little one is asleep
You start everyday thinking you’ll have an early night tonight and here you are at 11pm scrolling through Facebook or googling if ghosts exist
You watch your children’s TV programs even when they’ve gone to bed... my ultimate favourite being Peppa Pig
You can’t go to any shop or supermarket without looking at the baby clothes
You can’t remember your life without your little ones
You are more excited than ever to see your children’s faces on Christmas Day
Your to-do list is never ending
Having a lie in is sleeping past 8am
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