You know you're a mom when...



  • You laugh at everyone that says your baby just sleeps all the time and you think to yourself, 'Would you like to come and babysit overnight?' 

  • If you had a £1 for every time someone mentions pelvic floor exercises you would be a multi-millionaire

  • Your ideal night in is being in bed by 8pm

  • You learn to function on very... very... very little sleep

  • You can’t even breathe in peace

  • Your headache has got a headache 

  • It takes you days to do the laundry and put it away

  • Your eyebrows look like the very hungry caterpillar 

  • Your favourite hobby is the food shop 

  • You misplace absolutely everything... and don't get me started on hair bobbles!!

  • You make an adult judgement on how long you can acceptably leave it until you hoover the floor (is hand wafting things to one corner acceptable?)

  • You reminisce on the time you got a solid 8 hours sleep. Now you’re lucky to get that spanned over a few days 

  • You find yourself constantly checking on your baby 

  • You make a judgement on whether to wee yourself or go to the toilet and wake your baby up 

  • Your forth coffee of the day has gone cold and you can’t decide whether to warm it up in the microwave or accept defeat 

  • You live off toast, sandwiches, and every snack you can find

  • The thought of cutting baby finger and toe nails sends shivers down your spine

  • Dry hair shampoo is your best friend

  • You count down the hours before your other half comes back from work 

  • It becomes perfectly acceptable to sniff another humans bum

  • Getting ready in the morning is like a military operation

  • You have to pack everything and the kitchen sink every time you leave the house

  • All you want is time alone but miss your children as soon as you get it

  • You become a pro at catching sick, snot, dribble and other bodily fluids 

  • You end up wearing every meal your child eats 

  • You have to start scheduling phone calls for when your little one is asleep 

  • You start everyday thinking you’ll have an early night tonight and here you are at 11pm scrolling through Facebook or googling if ghosts exist

  • You watch your children’s TV programs even when they’ve gone to bed... my ultimate favourite being Peppa Pig

  • You can’t go to any shop or supermarket without looking at the baby clothes 

  • You can’t remember your life without your little ones 

  • You are more excited than ever to see your children’s faces on Christmas Day 

  • Your to-do list is never ending 

  • Having a lie in is sleeping past 8am


©2019 by Hayley Jukes.